Why do we feel insecure?

Walking along, I find myself passing various cars that stand in line to wait for the light to turn green. I go by a small truck. A man leans out and smilies. He turns his head toward his friend, who is driving and looks back at me- laughing this time. Immediately this wrenching feeling of embarrassment grasps me. Thoughts run through my head, memories of when I was growing up, of bullies that used to laugh at me. Is it the way I’m dressed? Is it, because I am a foreigner? To be honest: you can’t really miss me. Especially not in Japan. Why does this man I dont even know make me feel so insecure, almost threatened? He was just sitting in a car and laughed… At me though…

Gestures can mean a lot. His gesture was not just a smile or a laugh, it was the mockery in his laugh that caused me to feel bad. 

I went to a book store to get my mind off of it. But when I left the store I was wondering, why this guy affected my mood so much. Maybe he wasn’t mocking me. Maybe he was just having a good day and he doesn’t know how to smile politely.

Insecurities are always about ourselves. About how we think about ourselves- what we would want to be, what we hate about us. If someone else is confirming us in our insecurities we immediately accept it as true- as a flaw that makes us less worth than others. Why is what I think about myself defined by this culture and its standards of beauty and elegance? By someone else driving by? Have we gotten so conformed to the Zeitgeist of this world and age, that we allow a complete stranger to ruin our confidence, happiness and to basically ruin a wonderful day off of work?

Sorry that this is not like the usual posts, but I just wanted to share my feelings about today. If you feel the same, be encouraged that you are so much more worth than what he or she (whoever they are) makes you think you are.

I know that because as a Christian I take strength in God’s love for me. Even if I don’t like who I am and want to change and even if I am insecure, I am loved. and so are you.

But to be honest, guys like that dude today will still show up and will make fun of me or cause trouble. That’s how people are and it won’t change. But I can change my attitude about it, right?

~~ Lisa ~~


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